… and out of my head.
Lately, I have been in such a rut; with my blog, and also mentally. I feel stagnant, uninspired, and like there is a general lack of creativity on my part. I’ve been spending too much time on Instagram, comparing myself to others, and not enough time on myself (which really isn’t like me at all). I have also been feeling uninspired and stagnant mentally, which often, for me, leads to a mild depression. I have just been filled with “I can’ts”, “what ifs”, and “I don’t wants”. It’s a combination of this and a few other actions I need to take that will ultimately get me out of this rut. And depending on the time of month and the state of the moon (I’m serious), the rut becomes deeper and more intense.
Sometimes we get caught up in life, we often forget to stop and smell the roses. Super cliché, I know. Barf.
But to me, it means stopping to appreciate what you have, but also to take notice and appreciate the beauty around you. This is sometimes hard to do with everything that may be going on in life, not to mention separate stressors like work and this crazy political climate (I live in the DC metro).
For me, the key is finding a distraction to take my mind off of things I can’t control. The thing is, the distraction needs to be productive and something that at least partially addresses whatever problem I’m having. I thought about taking a second job, but man; been there done that and let me tell you, it sucked the life (and the youth) out of me. While that is still an option for me if time allows it, I didn’t want to do something I hated, or something that wasn’t worth it. So what did I decide?
I went back to YouTube.
Years ago, I had a pretty progressive beauty channel. Well, I should say it was a hair channel. When I moved to DC, I had to get my priorities in order and took a hiatus. I would intermittently film a video on hair, but it wasn’t the same. Most of my subscribers now are inactive and the oversaturation is no joke. But you know what? That’s ok! I didn’t start my channel (seven years ago?) to try and gather subscribers and views. I did it because I was passionate about hair and I loved it, and there was never a time that I didn’t love it. I just had to stop to get my shit together in DC.
I have filmed a few beauty videos and published four within the past month and it is definitely that thing that I needed to get me out of my beauty rut! Now while I am aware that my current audience subscribed to me for hair videos, which I will still include, most of my videos will be beauty related. This is what makes me happy. I don’t have many views on my recent videos and that’s ok! Just watching them myself makes me remember why I am doing it and the process of making the videos definitely takes my mind off of my insecurities, all the while helping me be more creative, and taking me slowly out of both ruts.
So yeah. I’m getting back to me. Now, I’m not saying YouTube is going to make all my problems disappear lol. But it definitely helps me cope, be more creative, and really focus on me. If anyone reading this is having a similar problem, try going back to the thing you love. If you have forgotten what that is, try taking a trip down memory lane and think about things you used to do before you had to start adulting.
So go check out my videos! I’m going to try and upload once or twice a week.
Oh and thanks for listening!
-XX
